Enjoying Better Sex in Menopause and Beyond

A myriad of menopausal symptoms, from genitourinary symptoms that impact upon your vagina, vulva, bladder and urethra, vaginal dryness, itching, decreased sexual sensation or low libido can make any sex play feel painful or uncomfortable, your desire goes AWOL or what used to turn you on simply doesn’t work for you any more.

Often people give up their sex life or continue to endure painful sex in menopause, which is neither pleasurable, good for their vagina health or their relationship. Those who previously had a good sex life get frustrated that the menopause has impacted upon their sexual pleasure in this way too.

However, with a few tweaks to your relationship and to the way in which you enjoy great sexual health, intimacy and pleasure, you can have even better sex.

Talk to your Partner

This is one of the commonest reasons why couples give up on enjoying sex because they are unable to talk to each other. Your partner probably has no idea about how you are feeling and may think you no longer love or desire them, so it is important to tell them why you do not want to have sex or why it no longer feels pleasurable.

If you’re in a long-term relationship, our sexual tastes, sensation, stimulation and attraction change, so explore new ways to enjoy intimacy. What might have worked for you in the past may not work now, so show your partner where and how you like to be touched, make sounds of pleasure to encourage them when they hit the right spot.

Start off on the sofa, enjoy a teenage smooch which will hopefully develop into something more! Try new positions, use irritant free lubricants, prolonged foreplay, quickie sex, explore pleasure toys, enjoy hotel sex, whatever makes you both feel good.

If you’re in a new relationship, it can be difficult to tell your partner what you enjoy. On the other hand, they may introduce you to sexual sensations that get your juices flowing. Tell them what works for you, use your irritant free lubes and always use a condom

Share your fantasies, you may discover that some of them are the same. You might even want to act some of them out, too.

Love Lube (but only irritant free lubes)

Vaginal dryness affects people at any age due to fluctuating hormones, breastfeeding, side effects of medication, cancer treatments, stress, anxiety and the ageing process.

One simple way to make sex feel pleasurable, last longer and promote vaginal lubrication is to use sexual lubricant. Using good lubricants can make sex feel great.

But stop before you think about buying well-known lubes or the “menopause -friendly” products in the high street and using some products recommended on prescription because the vast majority of products contain ingredients including glycerin, propylene glycol, parabens, perfume and dyes in addition to “tingling” or “warming “ingredients which can irritate the tissues of the vulva and vagina, disrupt your friendly bacteria that keep your vagina happy, lubricated and healthy of the vagina. This can cause irritation, thrush or bacterial vaginosis, especially if you are prone to these infections. You may also experience urethral irritation too.

Ingredients matter when it comes to your intimate health and pleasure.

Always check the ingredients before you buy or ask your GP before they prescribe you a product and do a skin test before rubbing it over your clitoris, nothing worse than an itchy or stinging vulva or vagina!

We only use, recommend and sell SUTIL Luxe and Rich, and YES, both brands are made with organic and botanical ingredients that are beneficial for your intimate health and pleasure. SUTIL can also be used as a vaginal moisturiser.

No one needs an Intimate Wash

Intimate hygiene products, wipes, sprays, bath bombs (aka thrush bombs) bubble bath, scented menstrual products and perfumed condoms are completely unnecessary as our vaginas are self-cleaning and all these products can cause irritation, an infection and make your vagina/vulva feel sore.

Just wash with water. If you need to wash with a product, you can ask your GP to prescribe a gentle emollient or ask your local pharmacist.

Enjoy regular orgasms

Enjoying regular orgasms with a partner or during solo play using your fingers or a pleasure product increases your natural lubrication, reduces stress, decreases pain, helps to keep you looking young and exercises your pelvic floor muscles.

Orgasms can also improve the quality of your sleep, a common problem during menopause, as the release of feel good endorphins induces a state of relaxation, helping you drift off.

Sex is much more than just penetration and masturbating feels so good solo and with a partner.

Exercise those Pelvic Floor Muscles

Regular pelvic floor exercises, correctly performed, can make orgasms feel stronger and help incontinence issues. Some women who have a tight (hypertonic) pelvic floor, making penetration feel painful, can exacerbate symptoms by doing pelvic floor exercises and need to learn to relax the pelvic floor muscles. If you have a pelvic health issue, please seek advice from a pelvic health physiotherapist, they are my go-to pelvic health experts. You can ask your GP to refer you, you can self refer to some NHS trusts or find one in private practice here https://thepogp.co.uk/

Explore Pleasure Products

Incorporating pleasure products into your sex play can help you enjoy new ways to be intimate and discover new sexual sensations, especially if you find yourself struggling to orgasm, or it takes longer due to decreased sexual sensation.

A simple bullet vibrator is small enough to slip between you and a partner to enjoy clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex or foreplay. You can use it on yourself, get your partner to use it on you, or play with it on their body. If vaginal tightness is an issue, using a slim vibrator or dilator with plenty of lubricant can help stretch the vagina walls, making them more flexible and penetrative sex feel more pleasurable.

Sonic wave and air pulse toys use sonic and air pulse waves to gently tease and caress your clitoris, they are my go to recommended toy for those who experience decreased sexual sensation too.

Vibrating constriction rings are a great way to help a partner to maintain their erection, last longer, and offer clitoral stimulation at the same time. Some work really well as finger vibes too.

You may want to explore bondage, which can be fun and offers a different dynamic to your relationship. Blindfolded sex heightens all your senses, boosting your arousal.

It is important to only buy pleasure products from expert retailers like Jo Divine who only sell safe products from reputable manufacturers, can offer you advice and support about which product is suitable for your needs by phone, email and DM and dispatch in discreet packaging.

Start Enjoying Better Sex

Sex is not just penetration - there are so many ways to be intimate and enjoy pleasure. Explore sex toys, oral sex, bondage, nipple play, mutual masturbation, kissing and intimate massage.

Perimenopause and menopause does not mean that your sex life has to stop, it can be even more pleasurable and fun. Don’t give up on your sex life, talk to your partner, use irritant free lubricant, masturbate more, explore sex toys solo or with a partner, watch or read erotica, listen to audio porn, be imaginative, adventurous and have fun in whatever way feels pleasurable for you!

So if you would like advice, please get in touch https://www.jodivine.com/

We have many practical sexual health and pleasure articles on our blog including menopause.

So if you would like advice, please get in touch https://www.jodivine.com/

We have many practical sexual health and pleasure articles on our blog including menopause.

You can also follow me for advice, support and skin safe irritant free product recommendations https://www.instagram.com/samtalkssex/?hl=en

BIO

I’m Samantha Evans, a former nurse and co-founder Jo Divine, an online pleasure product company, with my husband Paul in 2007.

As a sexual health and pleasure expert at Jo Divine I advise many women and their partners about ways to enjoy sexual intimacy and pleasure when they experience menopausal symptoms such as vaginal dryness, vaginal tightness, decreased sexual sensation and low libido and recommend our irritant free sexual lubricants and moisturisers, skin safe pleasure products and dilators to help them overcome sexual health issues and explore new ways to enjoy sexual pleasure solo or with a partner.

Whoever you are, I passionately believe that it is always possible to enjoy sex by being imaginative, adventurous and making it fun, and I'm always exploring ways for both men and women to take control of their sexual health to increase their sexual pleasure and general wellbeing.

I also work with many healthcare professionals, menopause experts and cancer charities by helping them to discuss practical ways to enjoy sexual intimacy and pleasure.

At Jo Divine we believe that sexual health and sexual pleasure go hand in hand and have created a health brochure with suitable products to help people with sexual issues.